Vanity Fair: How to Sound Like You Know Something About Football While in Fact Knowing Nothing 
4. Become an instant expert of football’s regulations and arcana. Remember: if a guy touches the ball but doesn’t catch it, it means something either good or bad, depending; field goals have to be 15 or 20 or 25 yards back from the thing; that guy can’t do that; touching the head is illegal;…
